High school.

I went to an activity last week for the young women and young men of our stake. It was beyond interesting to be back in the world of clicks and clinginess. They had to separate into groups of four and it was like magic - instantly hands reached out, bodies cinched together and before the woman in charge had finished her sentence little magic groups of four had formed all over the room. The few stragglers left wandered to the middle, knowing the routine, knowing the fate of being the fifth wheel, the leftover, the substitute. I happened to be standing with one of those "substitutes" and spent the next few minutes finding her a place to fit in. I kept looking and never saw anyone reach out to one of those stragglers, they just clung to one another like life-support, most didn't even look around to see who had been pushed aside. It broke my heart a little as each group passed through my station.
I started with a group of thirteen-year-oldish boys, smart, sweet, probably the next basketball rejects turned into academics, debate-teamers, class presidents etc. They'll get through OK because there are so many that fall into that category. They'll schmooze their way through and be fine - one even hit on me, come on. Little business men in the making.
The next group consisted of four girls summed up with rich snobby-snotter brats. You know exactly what I'm talking about, we all had them.
Next up I bantered with the cutest little twelve-year-oldish boys. Adorable, really my favorite group for sure. You could tell they didn't really have a particular "aesthetic" to their group, no common interests other than that they didn't have any common interests with anyone else either. Future drama club president, the quiet one, the scriptorian, the one who will probably never know what he wants to do when he grows up but likes to have a lot of good clean fun (i.c. dungeons and dragons, making goofy movies - you know who you are). They were adorable and I'm glad they have each other.
The misfits stumbled up next and while they were the most excited about playing The Game of Life (we were literally playing the game of life, though the pun is funny right?) they mostly just wanted me to listen to them. Three boys, one girl; one boy was so excited and hyper I couldn't get him to sit down, another so shy and sweet he actually whispered when he asked me "Do I really have to get married"? Poor kid. The next was just in it for the ride, he loved watching the others get all worked up and just fed on it. The girl, oh that sweet, sad, lone girl. She told me several times that she failed all of her classes last year but this year she has all A's because it's the beginning of the year and she hasn't had any homework so she couldn't have anything but A's but she doesn't care about grades because her parents don't care about them and she might just drop out anyway. Can you say cry for help? Her little blond rimmed face has been in my mind for a week now and I just want to scoop her up and tell her that school matters, life matters and not to give up just because you have stupid parents that don't care.
The list goes on, the jocks, the bff's, the relatives, the stragglers; they all found their niche in a group.
Anyway, I could go on and on and on about how disturbed and fascinated I am with the dynamic of youth. That clinginess, lack of acceptance because you want to feel accepted, it's rough. So my question is...who were you in high school? Where did you fit in - or not fit in? And more importantly, are you still like that? I love to hear about how people view themselves in high school and the difference from then to where they currently are.
Some of you that read this unfortunately knew me in high school. I'm sure everyone has different memories of me, most of them probably ridiculous because I was insane. I am different now but a lot of what I was back then stayed with me. I don't think I'll be dancing to Brittany Spears in pink spandex any time soon but I still like to have a good time and my quirkiness is still planted in place. I still ramble on nervously to fill awkward silences - usually making a complete fool of myself.
To think of myself in one of these "clicks" though, I think I would have fit in nicely with the group of boys that had nothing in common. That's pretty close to the male version of my girlfriends in high school. We did have an awful lot of good clean fun. On the other hand, in fantasy land I would like to think that I would have volunteered my fifth-wheelage to be a straggler and let someone else feel included. Would I have done that? I don't know but I'm going to say yes and hope that's the answer. At least it's a goal to aim for now, and maybe I can teach my son to be that kind of person. No one there volunteered that position, did I already say that? Is my disappointment clear enough?